Well thanks to some fine substitutions from Avram Grant, some suicidal goalkeeping from Pepe Reina and a couple of other good results I returned from the bookies yesterday £1.53 poorer off than when I went in two days prior.
Still, a good excuse to be glued to the wireless all weekend.

One of the frightening things about working with data feeds from bookmakers is that I’m being exposed to culture (and I use the word advisedly) I wouldn’t normally experience.

Browsing the specials from the Stan James data feed I noticed that you can bet on something called ‘American Idol 7’. Now I’m guessing this is some kind of TV show, most likely one where objectionable people get voted off – like picking the playground football team only in reverse and with far less tension.

You can even bet on the gender of the winner of American Idol 7 – currently it’s 4-to-1 on that a male will win. Given that there seem to be 10 contestants remaining, and judging by their names an equal number of each gender, there must be either 5 extremely attractive, pleasant, intelligent blokes in this show, or 5 absolute dogs.

It’s almost, but not quite, enough to make me want to watch it.

Aside from the occasional flutter on the usual suspects (grand national, fa cup final, etc) haven’t really ventured to the bookie so, in the pursuit of objective research, I decided yesterday to embark to the local bookmaking establishment to place some of my hard-earned cash on the outcome of this weekends premier league games.

At 12.30 am rushed into Bo’ness in time to get the punt(s) in before the first kick-off of the day, Spurs vs. Portsmouth, at 12.45. I arrived with a small crowd of punters loitering outside for their nicotnine fix only to try and squeeze past someone whose waistband’s girth and aspect was on par with the Death Star. I was a stranger in a strange land.

Upon entering was greeted by an array of old tellys broadcasting live race results via the medium of teletext. The walls were covered in betting forecasts from the various tabloid rags with not a single thing on football. I asked whether they had any betting slips for the footy to be given an A4 sheet crammed full of multiple-choice options. It was overwhelming. I asked how to use this slip to bet on my predicted winners of the 10 premier league games for the weekend. No such simple thing. The sheet covers every league game in England and Scotland over the weekend with specials on certain games. Options to pick winners, losers, draws, scorers, etc but each slip counts towards an accumulator bet so would basically have to fill out 10 slips for each of the ten games. Think of the trees!

The staff were really helpful but could sense their exasperation at someone who’s betting experience obviously extended to the moment they walked through the door, particularly as was only staking 50p per game. Out of pity more than customer service they suggested filling out some blank betting slips with my predictions as follows:

Saturday

Spurs vs Portsmouth (12.45) – Home win

This is going to be a tight one. Spurs are on form and will be buoyed by their mid-week result against Chelsea but they will be tired from it too. Portsmouth have a good away record and a solid defence but will be missing some key players. Home win to cap a good week for Spurs.

Villa vs Sunderland (15.00) – Home win

Initially thought this could be a draw. Sunderland have been really unlucky this season with refereeing decisions and are shy in front of goal but they have enough skill and steel to stay up. Villa have been hot and cold since the Christmas break but think they will have enough to overcome a team that have struggled away from home. Home win and some dodgy decisions from the man in black to further frustrate Roy Keane.

Blackburn vs Wigan (15.00) – Home win

Wigan have enjoyed a bit of a renaissance since the appointment of Steve Bruce and Blackburn have been inconsistent since their defeat to Coventry in the FA Cup last January. Still, think Rovers will have enough at home to sink a Wigan team that have not enjoyed much success away from home. Home win for Sparky against his old team mate.

Boro vs Derby (15.00) – Draw

Derby are going down and the players know it. This will give them a bit more freedom on the pitch and think they will take a few more risks as they play for pride more than points, as seen against Man Utd last weekend. Boro have got enough points to avoid being sucked into the relegation battle but just can’t see where goals are going to come for either team. Share of the spoils in a bore draw.

Newcastle vs Fulham (15.00) – Draw

Newcastle are probably going to stay up this season but only just. They are low in confidence but have the strength in depth (and Michael Owen) to see them clear of the drop. Fulham have been enjoying their football since the return of Jimmy Bullard and whilst unlikely to be a high-scoring game, can see Fulham having enough to match anything that the Magpies throw at them. Another stalemate for Keegan.

Reading vs Birmingham (15.00) – Away win

Reading are doing much better than they were in the first half of the season. Birmingham have been a new team since the appointment of McCleish and think they will have enough to perform away from home against a team that are prone to shipping a few goals. Birmingham to sneak an away win.

Bolton vs Manchester City (15.00) – Away win

Bolton are just not performing and since selling Anelka to Chelsea they have really struggled for goals. Manchester City are a few players short of their preferred first-team but reckon they will easily have enough ability to beat Bolton at the Reebok. Away win for Sven’s Men.

Everton vs West Ham (17.15) – Home win

Two teams that have exceeded expectation this season, particularly West Ham who have been playing for most of the season without their first XI. Everton will genuinely feel they can get a European spot in the league and should take advantage of the opportunity to get ahead of Liverpool, even if its for less than 24 hours. Home win for the Toffees.

Sunday

Man Utd vs Liverpool (13.30) – Home win

Liverpool are a changed team now that Benitez has settled on his first XI and is sticking to it whilst United have been resurgent since surrendering their position at the top of the table to Arsenal. This will be close but in Ronaldo United have a player who can single-handedly change the outcome of a game and this with United’s home record will decide the tie. Another 3 points for the Red Devils against their fiercest rivals.

Chelsea vs Arsenal (16.00) – Home win

After injuries to some of their key players earlier this season Chelsea have been a team on the up. They have misfired in some key games but will be keen to prove themselves at home after losing two points at White Hart Lane mid-week. Despite some fantastic results, particularly in Europe, think this season will be prove too long for a young Arsenal squad that will see the Champions League as their best chance of silverware. Home win for the men in Blue.

So, that’s the predictions. Have placed a 50p stake per game for fiver bet overall so will see how I get on at this betting malarkey and report back.

The betMooch register-your-interest site is up and running. There’s not much to do or see there, except, well, register your interest.

Much like the blog: we’re investing as much time as possible in getting the main site developed so won’t do much more than post here from time-to-time on progress and let slip a few details about betMooch. Mark may share the sordid secrets of betting on Dancing on Ice, and Cole may point out my over-use of common punctuation, so it won’t be all bad.

If you’re curious what we’re up to go ahead and register. It’ll cost you nothing and we won’t badger you much. Unlike betting on the England cricket team you’ve got nothing to lose.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I’m patently one of the world’s worst gamblers. My losing streak is probably into double-figures now, having lost a few quid on Tottenham at Man City this afternoon. Spurs had won the last eight meetings between the two clubs, and with the firepower of Keane, Berbatov, Lennon, Bent et al, compared to, well, Elano, they should have been a sure bet.

They led at half time and were looking comfortable, only for City to produce the luckiest goal I’ve seen for a long time, the product of 2 fluffed shots and one fluffed header. It may be no coincidence that all 3 of the english clubs who lost in the UEFA Cup in the week lost today in the premiership.

So on the one hand I desperately need a website where I can practice my betting in safety and learn how to bet smarter. On the other hand I’m one of those responsible for getting the site up and running over the next few months – spot the conundrum?

I have a plan though. We’ll have a fairly lengthy closed beta during which time my judgement and fortunes will be transformed. Mark can clearly teach me a thing or two, having picked both Scotland against England and Wales against Ireland in the six nations last weekend. By the time the site’s public I won’t be able to stop winning…